How can loved-ones support someone with BPD?

There are many ways that you can support your loved-one with BPD.

• Educate yourself about BPD. Click here for some courses you can take.
• Your own mindfulness, DBT and mentalization therapy can help you understand and interact with your loved-one with BPD.
• Do not ignore threats of harm and get in touch with emergency services in a crisis. Click here for some actions you can take in case of a crisis.
• Don’t always offer advice or try to fix their problems, sometimes people with BPD want others to hear them and acknowledge their pain, so:
  • Listen attentively & non-judgementally (active listening with mindfulness),
  • Be accommodating & understanding,
  • Show respect rather than condescension,
  • Accept & support them, and
  • Validate their emotions.
• Keep your cool even when they do things that upset you or seem to be pushing you away or testing your love. Their actions are valid reactions to extreme emotions.
• Don’t stigmatize them and criticize every emotional reaction as a symptom of BPD.
• Ask/invite/suggest that they get help to manage their emotions or problematic behaviour.
  • Help them develop a safety plan for when they are in emotional crisis.
  • Help them develop a wellness recovery action plan.
  • Support their efforts to get help. For example:
    • call them to remind them of therapy appointments or
    • give them a ride when needed.
• Model healthy boundaries.
  • Be there consistently for them within reason
  • Agree upon a gradual implementation of boundaries of behaviour that you will not tolerate.
  • For example:
    • set limits on times of day that they can call you,
    • refuse to talk to them if they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, &
    • end conversations if they become abusive.
• Take care of yourself too.
  • Loved-ones of people with BPD often need counselling of their own.
  • Like the airplane safety demonstration says, “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others”.